i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
