i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize