it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
