i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
