Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
