You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
