you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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