I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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