dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
