Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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