He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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