I seem to have left my pride at pride
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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