Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
