everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Found your dick twin last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
