mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need moral support for this bender
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
