I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
