I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
