Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
