Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
