$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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