so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
