just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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