if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
