I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
