the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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