he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
