It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
