Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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