Already got asked if we're dating
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
