Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
