Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
