remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was like eating out sand paper
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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