i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
