Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
