Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
