I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
