i already hear my dad disowning me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
