hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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