1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
