Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
