Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
