thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
