Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
