If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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