I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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