I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
