We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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