as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
