he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
