dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
