I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
