I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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