Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
