I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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