When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
