I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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