did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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