I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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