So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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