I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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