Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
