He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
