Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
