yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
