Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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