In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
