You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
