Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
