in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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