I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
