I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
